Being a yoga teacher and meditator does not make me a perfect parent.

I’ve realized this over the course of countless times when I have lost my temper and scared my children by yelling at them.  I’ve lost my awareness, my compassion, my calm a lot, and each time I regret it.  It frightens my young girls and erodes my relationship with them.

I feel so vulnerable  to admit this, but it’s my truth.

My mindfulness practices helped me see the problem. Once I realize the harm in my ways, there are several paths I could follow: I could try to ignore it and move on; I could succumb to self-imposed shame and berate myself; or I could practice.

Yoga teaches ahimsa, or non-harming oneself or others.  Buddhist precepts teach that loving speech and deep listening help lead to healing, transformation, and happiness in ourselves and for the world.

I had been studying and practicing these truths long before my daughters were born.  I had wonderful intentions as a parent, but the daily practice of keeping my cool when my children pushed my buttons was so much more difficult than I’d ever imagined.

But I’m changing.

So, how am I practicing compassion, loving speech, and deep listening now with my girls?

This is what I have discovered:

• Self Care – To keep my equilibrium, I need enough sleep, exercise, and nourishing food; I need my gratitude journal, creative expression, and my daily meditation practice.  It’s quite a list, I know! But if any of these elements are lacking, I’m more prone to frustration and an outburst of temper.  If I don’t take care of myself, I have nothing to give.
• Self Inquiry – I’ve had to do some work looking inward – at my past choices and how I was raised, as well as facing my own insecurities and fears.  I’ve read a lot of books to give me more understanding of myself and the journey of peaceful parenting.
• Intention Setting – Right now I’m trying to stop yelling at my children. To do this I’ve set the intention and implemented a plan. I announced my plan to the family (to hold myself accountable) and made a chart.  Each day the girls can give me a smiley face if I don’t yell that day. For other goals, like practicing better listening, I’ve written affirmations (I listen to my children) to go over several times a day.
• Progress Not Perfection – This is my mantra. Sometimes it’s a struggle not be hard on myself, after all, I aspire to ideals of compassion and peacefulness, but I’m getting better…with practice.