Christopher Willard, Psy.D. is a clinical psychologist, author and consultant based in Massachusetts. He has spoken in forty countries, and has presented at two TEDx events. He is the author of twenty books, including Alphabreaths (2019), Growing Up Mindful (2016), Feelings are Like Farts (2025) and College Mental Health 101, (2025). His thoughts on mental health have been featured in The New York Times, The Washington Post, Mindful.org, CNN.com, and elsewhere. He teaches at Harvard Medical School.
546: Feelings Are Like Farts
Dr. Christopher Willard
Join Hunter and Dr. Chris Willard as they explore how mindfulness can support parents facing today's challenges. Discover practical techniques for managing emotions, setting healthy boundaries in a busy world, and fostering resilience in children. They discuss gentle parenting, conflict resolution, and the importance of parents modeling mindfulness. Chris also introduces his new books, the playful "Feelings Are Like Farts" for kids and the essential "College Mental Health 101." Tune in for simple mindfulness tips you can start using today!
Ep 546- Willard
Read the Transcript 🡮
*This is an auto-generated transcript*
Dr. Christopher Willard (0:00)
And when I would come home with that sort of emotional energy, you know, I wasn't always bringing calm, but at least I wasn't bringing more chaos into that.
Hunter (0:09)
You're listening to the Mindful Mama podcast, episode number 546. Today we're talking about how feelings are like farts with Dr. Christopher Willard.
Welcome to the Mindful Mama podcast. Here it's about becoming a less irritable, more joyful parent. At Mindful Mama, we know that you cannot give what you do not have. And when you have calm and peace within, then you can give it to your children. I'm your host, Hunter Clarke-Fields. I help smart, thoughtful parents stay calm so they can have strong, connected relationships with their children. I've been practicing mindfulness for over 25 years. I'm the creator of the Mindful Parenting Course and Teacher Training, and I'm the author of the international bestseller, “Raising Good Humans”, “Raising Good Humans Every Day”, and the “Raising Good Humans Guided Journal”.
Welcome to the Mindful Mama Podcast. I'm glad you're here. This is a fun episode. Returning to the pod is my friend, Dr. Christopher Willard, clinical psychologist, author, and consultant who has spoken in 40 countries and presented at two TEDx events. He is the author of 20 books, including “Alphabreaths”, “Growing Up Mindful”, and this new one, “Feelings Are Like Farts”, which we're going to talk about. We're also going to talk about how mindfulness can support parents facing all the challenges we're facing today. You're going to learn about practical techniques for managing emotions, setting healthy boundaries in a busy world, and fostering resilience in your kiddo. You'll hear us talk about gentle parenting, conflict resolution, and the importance of us modeling, as well as, of course, feelings are like farts.
So this is such a fun conversation. I love talking to Chris. Join me at the table as I talk to Dr. Christopher Willard.
Hunter (02:48)
Hey Chris, welcome back to the Mindful Mama podcast. So glad you're here.
Dr. Christopher Willard (02:53)
Thank you, mindful mama. It's always fun. was sort of thinking like, once a year or so we catch up a little bit, chat a bit before and after and do the podcast, but it's so fun to be back and be connected.
Hunter (03:05)
I know, for the listener who hasn't listened, we've done a number of episodes and a bunch of mindfulness for kids episodes. They are all there in the archives. Just search for “mindfulness for kids” on MindfulMamaMentor.com. You can find all of them. They're really awesome with Chris. But I'm so excited to talk to you. You have two awesome books that have just come out. “Feelings Are Like Farts”, which we'll talk about, and “College Mental Health 101”.
Dr. Christopher Willard (03:30)
I think like opposite sides of the spectrum, but maybe the humor relates to everybody. yeah.
Hunter (03:36)
I love that title. We're going to get to those, I just want to start with, right now, ⁓ you're feeling it. Probably everyone in your world, we're all feeling some instability.
Dr. Christopher Willard (03:49)
Where is this? Where is this?
Hunter (03:51)
And then for parents, we've got like all these constant demands and then just kind of life, and then it gets to the sort of world chaos. So I was just wanted to talk to you about it and about that and think about how, you know, ask you how mindfulness can help parents through this tumultuous time. Cause I know it's helping me, but how can I help parents in general?
Dr. Christopher Willard (04:14)
I mean, I think just in terms of our own, like just regulation through all of this, when it is like from the micro, our own nervous systems to the global nervous system, basically everyone feels off balance and kind of buzzing and uncertain with, you know, where are things going, what's happening, you know, in addition to the usual family chaos, parenting chaos, you know, I think for many of us and probably your listeners too, the kind of sandwich generation chaos of, you know, chasing my kids and also driving my parents to appointments and, just all of this kind of going on in the backdrop of the world. What's happening in education, what's happening with the climate, what's happening with politics, you know, what's happening in our schools. It is just so, much instead of be able to connect or reconnect with that, that still, as my friend Amy Saltzman says, that's still quite a place inside of ourselves and stay connected. And I think just with things like just acts of kindness, know, acting locally, things seem globally enormous, but how can we act within our families as a microcosm for kindness and compassion and mindfulness? And, know, then within the larger community in these different ways, it really does ripple out. It's like one of my favorite kind of pieces of research is the way that kindness ripples out like three or four degrees of separation, just seeing an act of kindness, we're more likely to be kind. What kindness does to the brain in terms of balancing our serotonin and releasing dopamine and oxytocin. it's just like just little acts of kindness, I think, and taking those moments when we can catch a breath here or a moment to listen to sounds there or practice some mindfulness more formally- I think is always more needed than ever and I'm preaching to the choir but-
Hunter (06:15)
Yeah, I know, but it can be, you know, I know that for me anyway, I read about mindfulness for 10 years before I actually was able to sit down and do a meditation practice. So I know there's like a bunch of listeners who listen and they're like, yeah, that sounds really nice, but it's hard. It's hard to, it's simple, right? It's simple, but not easy. And so, I mean, you know, if we're trying to be steady in the instability of the world, you know, or at least for you, like what are things that you are holding onto to keep you steady when things are really unstable kind of in general and people you talk to are like, my gosh, the world, right? What are you holding onto specifically to kind of keep you grounded through that? Like I love the idea of the acts of kindness, but, I'm just curious also about personal habits.
Dr. Christopher Willard (07:10)
Yeah, to me, you one thing I've been struck with, um, I was listening to a podcast, uh, right at the beginning of the year as reclined was talking about sort of his new year's resolutions or kind of intentions. he was, he said something I thought really stuck with me, which is, you know, a question of like, not just what are we doing for self care, but what are we doing to relax? And that those two things are really different. And it's been a real challenge for me, like, cause I think of self care, like what's good for me. And it's like, go to the gym. But for me, like, I ended up being like, well, I ran two miles yesterday. I got to run three miles today. Or, you know, even meditation is like, sat for 20 minutes yesterday. I should do 25 minutes today. Or I just get so doing, doing, doing even about things that are supposed to be being, or it's like, I'll read a book. Well, how fast can I read the book? I want to read another book. I got to read the sequel. Like it's just so- achievement mode. And stepping out of that, like what really is relaxation? That's been one of my mantras for the year. it's like, you know, just really trying to get away from my phone. Number one, like, you know, leave it in the mudroom when I'm hanging out, you know, for the evening with the kids, you know, don't check the news after eight, try not to pick it up in the morning. Take a walk without my phone, spend time in nature.
These kinds of things I think have been really nurturing, sustaining for me to standup comedy is like awful, going to see it. ⁓ find, you know, like listening to music is wonderful for me, but if there's music that I'm near my phone and then that just makes me feel, you know, ends up making me feel even more kind of scattered. I think these things, but nature has been really helpful for me and in time with the family and really kind of new, new fun ways, just playing a board game or something like that. Just reminds me of like, it's not mindfulness, but it really is like being in the moment what's right in front of me, you know, or maybe what's the like, you know, move I'm to make in this, you know, backgammon game and two moves, but it's, you know, that's as far into the future as it, as it goes. That stuff has been really sustaining as well.
Hunter (09:26)
Yeah, I'm like hearing you say boundaries, basically like boundaries around the onslaught of information and kind of limiting your time where you're connected to the device, like connected to the news and all the different things. I mean, I think that is really, you know, the information overload and the fact that we had, we don't have filters that have caught up with this, right? It's just more and more and more. just keeps getting more and more and more. And also it's only all news and information at a certain like sort of national level. Like I'm not necessarily getting all the news like in my town or in my state or with my neighbors. You know what I mean? Like, and it seems like everyone I know is very clued in, very in touch for good reason. Like there's a lot of instability of what's happening, but it's, it's also like what, what isn't happening? Am I not paying attention to my more immediate environment of neighbors and towns and states. And is it helping everyone? Who's it helping you? Is it, who is it helping for you to be so, yeah, to, to, to not have some boundaries around this onslaught, I guess. I mean, cause it's seen as virtuous to be really knowing what's going on. It seemed as virtuous, but there's a problem with it. And it is the overwhelm and there is like the feeling like your life is miserable and worthless.
Dr. Christopher Willard (11:09)
Right, right. And we feel so helpless and that kind of learned helplessness when it's information overload, flood the zone with information, disinformation and confusion. And one thing I was thinking about, was giving a talk recently sort of about addiction and simplicity actually at the local meditation center and someone was talking about, you know, the news and all of that. you know, I was thinking about the, and I work a lot with addiction, it's part of my own history, my family history.
But thinking, you know, the news is its own form of intoxication. Like it's also its own compulsive thing to like be checking it all the time. But it also like when it's so unbalancing and unpredictable and moving so fast, it also is like, we really need to titrate it and moderate how much we're consuming, you know, and really is like, we could read the newspaper all day and feel terrible or five minutes and feel terrible and either way we're helpless. And I think sharing, with family, with friends, with relatives, getting text messages, this horrible thing, that horrible thing. One thing I've taken to doing for myself is like, I'm not gonna share bad news with somebody unless I'm also showing what I'm gonna try to do about it. I'm worried about the environment, but I'm also going to go to this event about caring for a local park or something like that so that I feel like I am taking action and inviting people into action and not just into more panic or more overwhelming.
And I don't get it right every time, but it's sort of an aspiration I'm trying to do, as well as just to kind of limit, you know, consumption of, of bad news. but then look, where's a, where's a local action I can take. Like the environment is so important nature to me. And there's like, we live in the city, but they're doing like a maple syrup, like boil down, like in the trees in the park. So what's like- bring the kids to the park every week and picking up the maple syrup and then a community event around that. And we can doom and gloom about the environment in this way and that. And we need to look at the bad news, but we also need to look at good news and the little micro that we are doing to help our kids appreciate what nature is offering us and our relationship to nature and things like this, I feel like are really, really important. And what are we doing with our own kids? What are we reading? What are we doing in our schools?
You know, I was just in a school last week talking about like trauma informed education, you know, and times of instability and unpredictability and, know, just, you know, being able to offer that kind of thing. Like what is the little thing you can do in your classroom, um, to make this space accessible to as many people as possible and helpful and healing to as many people as possible. think when we think about that, um, you know, taking action, because it looks so giant, you know, some of the things that were fearful of, but the small actions I think are so important.
Hunter (14:09)
Stay tuned for more Mindful Mama podcasts right after this break.
I like that the small actions to create joy. Actually, it was interesting, this last Saturday, my neighbor two doors down was out aggressively weeding the ivy in the path that's in the neighborhood near my house. And she was doing it twofold to help like do something good in the neighborhood, also like aggressively weed and like get her frustrations out. And as I looked over at her, I was dressed in like a glittery skirt, because I was having friends over to have a Scottish dancing house party. And so I thought we're doing, we're making small pockets of like goodness in different ways, right? Like I'm like trying to just kind of water some, have some joy in a chaotic time. she's getting rid of invasives and that's both really good.
Dr. Christopher Willard (16:30)
Like you're great at hosting, you're great at having a party and apparently Scottish dance, right? This woman's great at gardening and making things beautiful. think, you know, looking at like, what are the gifts that we each have to offer? And each for each of us is different what we can do to make the world a better place or try to. And I think remembering that too.
Hunter (16:50)
Yeah, and I think both of us have a practice of mindfulness meditation where we sit in stillness every day or close to that, right? Like pretty regularly. And I find that that is, I can notice, I did this morning, I read the news before, sometimes I do before, sometimes I do after, and before today and I was like, I could like see this agitated energy all throughout and then I could feel it calm down just over the time, over the course of that period of silence, you know, and focus on the present moment. ⁓ And yeah, and I imagine you're feeling you, you will tell me about your practice. What does that look like?
Dr. Christopher Willard (17:35)
Yeah. And it's truly different every day. Like often, you know, the women recording this, the clocks just changed, but I was like, great. Cause I was the first one up in the morning for a while and getting my practice in and now since the clocks have changed, like my son is now up earlier and it's like, okay, so there's we practice together, but it's gotten a bit harder. But one of the things I think that's important to remember about mindfulness and a formal meditation practice is like, I can't remember where I heard this, you know, but, we don't sit in stillness just to be good at being still. We sit in stillness so that when it's time for a skillful movement and action, we're ready for it and we know what it is. We don't sit in silence to get good at being quiet. We sit in silence so that we can be thoughtful and intentional and powerful in terms of how we speak in a mindful way that really does have an impact when it's time to speak up and with a certain kind of voice.
And that to me, think is such a reminder when things feel really chaotic. Like it is about stillness and it's about silence for themselves, but it's also about stillness and silence so that we can, you know, move with skill and we can speak with skill. And that I think is such a useful reminder as well when we're feeling overwhelmed and not sure and sitting feels hard and what's the point and I should be taking action or I should be speaking up and both can be true. What mindfulness reminds us of is that we can hold complicated ideas, seemingly contradictory ideas at the same time. And that's the gift. And I think especially in times that are polarized and everyone is kind of looking at things in black and white or you're this or you're that or you're good or you're bad, know, mindfulness actually helps us to hold things are complicated. That doesn't mean, you know, both kind of both sides is them, but it means like, let's get curious where there is a both and that exists. And I think that kind of wisdom is so needed right now. Yeah.
Hunter (19:32)
Yeah, to see the complexity of things and to be curious about, where are you coming from? I mean, I think of that, obviously that applies in sort of a larger news related circumstance, but also in our parenting, right? We struggle with our reactivity, parents struggle with our reactivity, losing our patience, raising our voices, and then we feel guilty about it. And I think, for me, anyway, the mindfulness practice helps me to just get in that moment and be in the discomfort of it and to feel like this is like that both and kind of thing. This is that, okay, if I can be curious in this moment, what can I see? What can I, rather than making a a gut decision and reacting from it, can I get into that thoughtful part of my brain? And I was wondering if you had for parents, maybe parents who aren't interested in formal meditation practice, some practical mindfulness techniques that can help them respond with less reactivity, more awareness, more compassion.
Dr. Christopher Willard (20:46)
Absolutely. I mean, I think number one, kind of how do we get curious, you know, about people we disagree with, whether it's relatives or in politics or whether it's our kids in front of us. And again, I feel like I'm just quoting Ezra Klein here, but he was saying something about curiosity over contempt, right? And when we are calm, you know, I would add to this, like we're able to get curious. And I learned recently- maybe it was Judson Brewer?-someone did a study recently on curiosity in the brain. It actually shuts off anxiety, it shuts off that kind of amygdala limbic system response. So learning how to activate curiosity, what's behind my child's behavior? Are they at the basics, know, hungry, angry, lonely and tired, or are they, you know, something else going on, right? And like all the good kind of parenting, how to listen so kids will talk, talk so kids will listen, right? We validate, you know, it sounds like you're feeling angry, or it sounds like this, or wonder if you're feeling this. Right? When we're able to do that and the child's able to settle, right? They get curious, we get curious, things really do start to shift in terms of the energy. So, but again, it keeps coming back to us. It's like, you know, we gotta find ways to regulate ourselves so that we in turn co-regulate so that then the kids are regulating themselves.
A story I've been telling a lot recently is this dad I worked with who like super high special needs kid, super burned out, high pressure job, him and his wife. And, you know, he was just like a wreck, you know, after this kid was born in the first few years. And, you know, we've sort of finished up our therapy at the time. And I was like, you know, what was the most helpful thing we did? And he was like, you know, we like had all these sessions, but the most helpful thing was like, would drive home, you know, as fast as I could, you know, park in the driveway and just pause in the driveway and take three breaths before I stepped out of the car. And then sometimes just feel my feet as I walked into the house. And when I would come home with that sort of emotional energy, you know, I wasn't always bringing calm, but at least I wasn't bringing more chaos into the house. you know, the nanny would be less likely to run out the door. I'd be less likely to snap at my wife. She'd be less likely to snap at me, right? And it really is like, how do we take these moments that we do have? Cause we don't have a lot, right? Maybe since it is just parking the car in three breaths or reflecting, you know, if we have a partner, you know, which not all of us do in our parenting at the end of the day, what did work today? What are some of our successes today? What growth did we see? my gosh, he did his homework without complaining this week. Like, whoa, what? Like, taking that time to look at the positive, almost like a little gratitude kind of practice, finding these moments, I think, which is really hard to do, because a lot of us don't have 20 minutes to sit on a cushion, because it's a drop off and then it's off to work, and then it's coming home and cooking dinner, and then it's, so it really is hard to find these moments, but I think this is where a community of other parents, ⁓ a spiritual community. ⁓ You're just one other parent can also be a useful reminder. It is so much easier to practice and community, you know, reminding each other, not in a passive aggressive way, but to breathe, like let's breathe together. Not like Hunter, you better take a breath, right? But like finding those moments to practice together. by together, mean together with our kids.
But also with our co-parents, know, when they're available and interested, or the other people in our kind of village of parenting that we have. Maybe if we have a book group, we're reading a little bit more about this and taking a moment of mindfulness as we start our book group. I'm saying that because I just started a book group with some friends last week. But these are some other ways to start to make it practical because it is really hard to sit down for 20 minutes. I used to joke when my kids were little, I'd go like, 22 minutes, you know, during Daniel Tiger, right?
Hunter (25:13)
It's weird though, somehow we have time for, I don't know how much time we spend on social media or Instagram, right? We do fit that in. It’s harder to just remember to just remember to stop and just pause and take a breath than it is. It's much easier. It's much, there's just the strongest, the smartest social psychologists in the world are working on the devices to make us reach for that before we don't reach for that and just sit quietly, right? So it can be hard. I love that idea though of three breaths maybe before you get in the house. That's really lovely. One way- you talked about practicing with each other my daughter is pretty anti-mindfulness, having grown up as a Mindful Mama Mentor, although she-
Dr. Christopher Willard (26:06)
Infamous now, we'll see. Those seeds are planted, I have no doubt.
Hunter (26:10)
-for now. But the one thing she does appreciate is, and this is a practice from the Plum Village tradition, is the Three Breath Hug. So I say, hey, do you want a three breath hug? And she just leans her whole body into me. And we just do these three deep breaths. And it's so nice because it's like a hugging meditation. What could be nicer? But also for her to just pause and to get all those good body chemicals that you get from the hugging and things like that. But later on I'll tell her that that's actually a mindfulness-
Dr. Christopher Willard (26:51)
Guess what?
Hunter (26:53)
You don't know, but you were doing it. Well, one thing I want to ask you about is the idea- I got asked about this recently, like gentle parenting. And I was wondering: it's gained a lot of traction in recent years, this idea of gentle parenting. And I was wondering, how do you see mindfulness fitting into this approach? And do you see any like downsides maybe to it too? I'm curious about what you think about it. I mean,
Dr. Christopher Willard (27:22)
I had a very funny conversation with Jessica Grose from the New York Times Parenting a while back about this. and this, this sort of, mean, I think like everything, every parenting approach, right? We want to hold it lightly and not become like ideologues about it. Um, you know, I spent some time sort of like working in different, like, you know, Facebook parenting groups, you know, general parenting, responsive parenting is part of that. And the funny thing is, I just feel like with all these things, it's like human beings get involved and just like watching these parents like shame each other until like you're not being gentle enough and you're gentle parenting approach. It's like, why are we like treating each? I think it's like all of these things we want to just make sure we are, we are practicing these principles in all aspects of our lives, not just in parenting, but in terms of how we treat other people. If we are trying to teach our kids lessons, you know, without using shame- need to remember that when we're talking to friends or peers or people we disagree with or colleagues or our co-parent or, you know, other people in our lives. So I think we just want to be careful about that. But I do think fundamentally, to me, mindfulness is about. And I think gentle parenting itself also, it's not all like soft and squishy. And when it's practiced correctly, it's got like a firmness to it. Like mindfulness is a discipline and it's about softening in some ways, but it's not about softening and dissolving boundaries. It's about maintaining boundaries, gently bringing our awareness back to our breath and gently sort of setting that boundary with our own wandering mind, like a puppy.
Hunter (29:08)
We're very insistent with our own minds as we practice, right? So yeah.
Dr. Christopher Willard (29:13)
Yeah. And that's where compassion and self-compassion, I think, come in. It's like, you know, to me, mindfulness and some of these practices are just like a microcosm. Like if I can be halfway nice and patient with myself when my mind wanders off, right, like a puppy, then I'm more likely to be able to do that when I make a bigger mistake in my life. I'm also more likely hopefully to do that with my own child when they make a mistake, to- in a non-shaming way- invite them to come back or gently correct them. But maybe validate them first and then offer a gentle suggestion or validate first and then invite them to come up with their own solution. So I think they all kind of like fit together in all of that.
Hunter (29:53)
Yeah, I think they fit together too. I worry about the idea. The thing I worry about is parents just like losing themselves trying to fit this role. Like just trying to be this perfect mom or perfect dad or caregiver, whatever you are. just, you even your voice changes when you talk to your kid and you have no sense of humor and you're doing everything for this child and never modeling any, doing anything for yourself and just that whole, think that that's what I worry about sometimes as people dive deep into an ideologue or a concept like that.
Dr. Christopher Willard (30:35)
Exactly. And I think parenting is about making mistakes and not having to be perfect. And I think a lot about like, I think to me the ideal is like, you know, I lose it on my kids. And what I hope is that when I lose it, I'm able to then own it and apologize. I got super annoyed at my daughter. We were on a plane flight and I kept thinking she was pressing something in the iPad, whatever. Like, and I was like, you gotta stop doing that. She's like, I'm not, I'm not. And then I realized I was wrong. And I was like, I gotta apologize.
But I do feel like, you know, I lost it and I had to apologize A) because I was wrong and didn't listen to her and B) because I overreacted. But if the kids don't experience any conflict or witness any conflict, they actually never learned how to resolve conflict. I grew up with parents who were super conflict diverse. I literally never saw them fight. And so when I first like ran into conflicts, it was terrifying for me. Cause I thought it was the end of the world. If I disagreed with somebody. And so it's actually important, as parents to get into, it's actually okay for parents to get into conflict with each other, right? As long as we model in front of the kids, how we come back together, right? Like, so you can argue with your spouse, but just to try to apologize in front of the kids too. So these things I feel like in research backs that up and that's been really helpful for me. And also humbling when it's like, okay, I to apologize for like, you know, losing my temper and snapping at my wife a little bit. But.
Hunter (32:02)
And they're all gonna watch.
Dr. Christopher Willard (32:05)
You’re right. But then they'll learn how to apologize and they'll learn how to accept an apology and they'll learn that you can make a mistake and reconnect afterwards. And even with them, right? If I, my parents were also very gentle and the first time a boss yelled at me, I, you know, was like about to burst into tears at work. And it was like, I don't want to be like, I wish my parents had yelled at me more, but there is a little bit like when we become too conflict diverse and kind of had everything of our kids, know, snow plow, no parenting, think, and bubble wrap parenting, it's not ultimately helpful for building resilience and taking a couple of the knocks that are inevitable in life. So we want to be cautious about that too, not deliberately putting our kids into harm's way, but helping them process difficult things and not being overprotective and even overprotective in our own family or feeling guilty. I mean, it's like, we all lose it. It's OK. I mean, we're going to feel guilty, but then it's what do we do with it? Do we try to do better next time? Do we try to make it up to them in a healthy, healthy modeling way?
Hunter (33:18)
Stay tuned for more Mindful Mama podcasts right after this break.
Dr. Christopher Willard (35:39)
Exactly. Come back stronger. any time, you know, I mean, that's sort of the metaphor. It's like you break a bone and grows back stronger, like a little bit like you have a little like rift with your kid, you know, you, you work on it. comes, you know, hopefully it's, it's stronger at that point afterwards.
Hunter (36:11)
Yeah, actually that happened to me just recently with a friend. went to go visit a friend and she did something that I got, I was very hurt by and I felt like really hurt and rejected. then I told her, she came back, she went somewhere without me. I told her when she came back and I was like proud of myself for telling her, we had this lovely conversation where she was like, so, you know, and I think it's made us stronger since then, right? That's always where I'm the most scared of causing- having conflict or something like that. But yeah, it does make us-
Dr. Christopher Willard (36:53)
What a great model for our kids that like friends can feel left out, talk to each other about it and resolve it. I mean, it's easier when we're in our middle age, than we're seven or ten or fifteen.
Hunter (37:06)
I know, but it would have been easier for me to just be like, okay, I'm out of here. I'm getting a hotel room, too.
Okay, I want to know about “Feelings Are Like Farts”. I think this is the best book title ever.
Dr. Christopher Willard (37:18)
I am so psyched. So in the pandemic, like five years ago, a friend of mine texted me. And was like, “my daughter just said, ‘feelings are like farts’. Isn't that so funny? We should write a book about it”. And I was like, “yeah, maybe”. And then like a week later, I was like, “my God, that's such a good idea”. And I was like out taking a walk. And I just remember this so vividly. We like over text message, we were like, just writing this book, like back and forth and took us maybe like, 45 minutes while I was supposed to be out enjoying nature. I just opened this podcast with how great it is to be in nature, right? But texting my friend furiously about this, we ended up sending it out to the publishers. We had a bidding war with six different ones, which had never happened. You know, a book that I wrote in five minutes got a better advance than anything I spent years on. And then it's been five years of like different editors and changing presses and delays.
Hunter (38:02)
Wow Congratulations.
Dr. Christopher Willard (38:17)
All this stuff, but we are like, finally we are here, with it out. It’s just what it says: little lessons, like, you know, feelings and farts that can be silent, but they're never deadly. And if they ever, you know, hurt too much, you should talk to an adult that you trust. Then, you know, around good friends, they can just make you laugh and they're no big deal. But sometimes you just have to sit with them even if they stink. Just that kind of- if you think back sometimes it's from something earlier in the day.
Hunter (38:53)
That's brilliant. It has the whole digestion in there. That's so great.
Dr. Christopher Willard (38:59)
So we are just so pumped about that. And I think the fact that it's been, I think literally five years since we got the first contract, it's like, my gosh, finally. So we've already, of course, like, we'll see how well the book does, or not, but it's so easy to write. We actually wrote a sequel, so we'll see whether we'll get, “Farts are Like Feelings 2” out at some point.
Hunter (39:24)
Feelings are like farts. mean, come on, you guys, you have to go get this book if you have little kids. What little kid is not gonna love the metaphor of feelings are like farts? You get to have a whole book and talk about farts. And you're talking about feelings. It's so brilliant. It's like satisfies both the children and the adults. You're talking about both feelings and farts.
Dr. Christopher Willard (39:45)
Exactly. I was like, maybe we should write like a grownup self-help version of it too. It's like a bunch of chapters on like why they linger, but they don't last. And they always, you know, actually fade away and all these kinds of, you know, if you hold them in too long, they can end up really exploding. So yeah, we'll see. But it's been, it was so much fun to do and very different than. Oh, I started joking. It's like, wrote like alpha breasts and some books about breathing for kids. So it's like, I've got the air going in books and now I've got the air going out on the other side. Kind of like that. The whole picture there, the whole cycle.
Hunter (40:25)
And you also have coming out “College Mental Health 101”, which is so perfect because my daughter is about to go to college in this fall. So I can't wait for it to arrive in the mail. I'm waiting on it's a graduation present. Perfect.
Dr. Christopher Willard (40:39)
Graduation present. We are psyched about this one. It came out of- I can't remember what of my story you remember, what I've shared on our podcast or in conversations or your guests or your listener, anyway. But I went off to college, it took me six years to graduate. I took two years off with anxiety, depression, addiction- was just a total walking train wreck. And when I was away taking time off that I found mindfulness, went on a retreat with Thich Nhat Hanh, got some therapy, got sober, all these other kinds of things. And so it's always been near to my heart. And then I worked in universities for many years and, and so it finally felt like about the right time as the conversation has grown around mental health and young people- the number of people, kids going off to college, like academically prepared, but struggling with mental health. So many kids dropping out, taking time off and all that. So these kids, I felt really needed- I get questions all the time. And so this younger woman I'm friends with- we went to the same college, turns out- she's one of the coauthors, another friend of mine, Blaise Aguirre. He's a psychiatrist, a psychiatrist, a psychologist and a social worker-
Hunter (42:11)
He'll be on the podcast soon, dear listener, too.
Dr. Christopher Willard (42:16)
He's awesome. He's great. He’s got his new book here. We interviewed hundreds of students, professionals- 150 questions, starting with, “do I pick a small school or a big school?” “Do I say in my college essay about this?” To getting to college: “how and when do I tell my roommates?” “Do I keep my therapists from home on Zoom, or should I find a new therapist?” to, “how do I support my roommates?” “How do I support my friends?” “What are resources I can find?” “How do I manage sports?” And then, “what are some different common mental health issues? What does it look like from the outside?”” If I'm worried about someone, how do I tell if this is ADHD or they're drinking too much? What might I hear coming out of their mouth? What does it feel like?” “How do I tell if I'm depressed or if this is a trauma reaction to something or both?”
Hopefully it's really empowering for students, for their families, for deans, for RAs, for students who just want to be supportive of their friends. So we're really hoping it's a resource. It's the one that I bet my parents wish they'd had 25 years ago when I called home at three in the morning. We just hope it's helpful to young people, because there's not really anything else on that topic and it's so big and it's such a hard time and yet such a great time to learn the skills that you need for, “I'm a mess, come pick me up”, how to care for yourself, what kind of therapy works for me. How do I support friends? How do I ask for the help that I need? What's a reasonable way to ask for help and not- I was you interviewing somebody and she was like, “well, you can talk to the Accommodations Office, but not everyone's going to get an off-campus single, and a gluten-free bakery and a puppy”. What is a reasonable accommodation? So, I hope it's really helpful to young people and I just so much love working with that age group.
Hunter (44:37)
Well, I know you're the perfect person to write that for them because you can really see and feel what they're going through. That's so beautiful.
Okay, just to end on a positive action note, if a parent wants to start practicing mindfulness with their child today, what's one small, simple thing they could do right now to make an impact?
Dr. Christopher Willard (45:04)
I mean, I would say bring it to something that you're already doing. And that doesn't mean like, we're gonna do a mindful eating, but just like, let's think about where this food came from. Like, it came from the store, and before that it came from the farm, and people worked on the farm, it grew in the sunshine, and it grew in the soil, like that kind of thing,
My son goes back and forth with mindfulness. He's a real athlete. So he really is excited to see professional athletes practicing mindfulness. And so he now likes to practice before his soccer games to keep focused during that. But I think bring it into something that you're doing. And I think not even calling it mindfulness. Like if you are going for a walk in nature, just being like, I wonder how many different bird sounds there are rather than like, we're going to take a mindful walk and notice how you notice all the sounds like I wonder like inviting them in, you know, how many different shades of green do you notice? I'm seeing so many right now. We walk really quietly and not make a sound and maybe we can get closer to the animals so they won't fly away or run away.
Hunter (46:14)
That's good motivation.
Dr. Christopher Willard (46:15)
Yeah, and then afterwards maybe we, like with your daughter, hey that was mindfulness all along. So that's just me in some ways too.
Hunter (46:22)
By the time this comes out, I recorded a podcast with my 18 year old daughter. And it was really great, but like, it was so satisfying because actually she's 18 now and she admitted that she appreciated that I limited her screen time when she was little. I was like, yes, yes. All right, awesome. Great tips. love that. I want to go look for all the different greens I see now. That's really beautiful. As always, this was such a pleasure to talk to you, Chris. To your listener, you can find “Feelings Are Like Farts” and “College Mental Health 101” anywhere books are sold. You just have to get “Feelings Are Like Farts” if you have little ones. I mean, what an amazing book. I love that. Thank you so much for coming on the Mindful Mama podcast. Once again, Chris, it's always, always a pleasure, but where can people find you if they want to?
Dr. Christopher Willard (47:31)
I'm just DrChristopherWillard.com. You can very easily Google me, although there is another author in Canada with my same name. You can also find me at https://www.enlightenedlivelihoods.com/, which is speaking and consulting. And Instagram and Facebook at @drchriswillard. You can find me there too. We usually do daily, monthly little challenges and prompts and stuff for people.
Hunter (47:58)
Awesome. Well, it's been so fun to talk and I know we'll talk again sometime soon. So thank you. Thank you so much for coming on the podcast again today and thank you for everything you're doing.
Dr. Christopher Willard (48:09)
Thank you. And thanks for having me and the amazing work you're doing in the world, too, of making, raising better humans, which is really what we need. So thank you.
Hunter (48:20)
Yeah, we're doing it together.
Love talking about mindfulness and how it can help people. It doesn't have to be a lot. And I love talking to Chris. So fun. Love “Feelings are like farts: if you keep them in too long, they're gonna explode. They go everywhere”. Yes. Oh my goodness. So true. It's such a great metaphor. I love it.
I hope you liked this episode. I hope you enjoyed it and got a lot out this encouragement to bring more mindfulness and pause into your life. If you know someone who could use that kind of encouragement, which is kind of all of us, I think now in this very distracted world, please share it. Please share the podcast. We've been going for a long time, but we really do need your support to keep paying our sound editor and all the different things that we need to do for the podcast in a crazy tumultuous world. So we’re not asking you to donate to public radio, but please do share the podcast, leave a review, do some totally free things that can help us keep this podcast going and come into your ears. That would be amazing.
And I hope you have a great week. Thank you so much for listening. Thank you for being here and I will talk to you real soon. Namaste.
Support the Podcast
- Leave a review on Apple Podcasts: your kind feedback tells Apple Podcasts that this is a show worth sharing.
- Share an episode on social media: be sure to tag me so I can share it (@mindfulmamamentor).
- Join the Membership: Support the show while learning mindful parenting and enjoying live monthly group coaching and ongoing community discussion and support.
