After that first harrowing car-ride home – mom was driving, and I was in the backseat hovering over my amazing new baby – everything was different. From that day, I subsumed myself in new-motherhood. With a newborn’s constant and immediate needs, that’s really all we can do.
In a way, it was refreshing because suddenly all my priorities became clear: she needed constant care. There was no worry about how to best spend my time.
There is no middle path to walk with a newborn, we simply have to surrender to the situation. In yoga, this surrender is called Ishvara Pranidhana.
Quite soon, however, I realized that I had to take care of myself too.
All of us have to take care of ourselves with healthy exercise, moments of stillness, and meaningful work in the world, and mamas are no exception.
At first, getting back to my work seemed pretty simple: a good pump for yoga-teaching nights and a good baby-carrier to get back to my art studio.
Lack of boundary
As my children grew and I got deeper into my work as an artist and a yoga coach, issues popped up that may be familiar to you – problems with the lack of boundary between home and work.
As the full time care-taker of my two girls, I am home.
As a painter, I work in my studio on our property.
And as a yoga & mindfulness coach, I work with my clients from home (thank you, skype!).
The problem with all this action going on at home is that the lines get blurred. When does work-time begin and family-time end? Where are the boundaries?
When I asked a friend who works from her home about work-life balance, she said, “I would like some!” Is that you too?
In whatever work we do, we can feel like we aren’t doing enough for our jobs AND that we aren’t doing enough for our family.
Hello mama guilt!
But it doesn’t have to be this way. Mindful mamas, it is possible to let go of overwhelm, be present for our families, and contribute joyfully. {Tweet this!} It requires clear intentions and practice.
The mindful mama journey is that of the middle path.
Your Action Plan
The way we discover our edges is by going over them. It happens for all of us! The practice of self-compassion is super-important in those moments.
Remember, there is no one solution, and a good “balance” is going to look different for everybody, but here are my suggestions for more clarity:
Create a Rhythm. Both children and mamas thrive with a regular rhythm to our lives. We need to be able to know what to expect when. Carve out your time for work and try to keep it at the same regular time each day.
Create Clarity. This is all about organization. Have a big calendar on your wall or use your smart calendar for home and work events. Get in the habit of putting everything on your calendar from board meetings to play dates. If it isn’t on your calendar, it doesn’t exist!
Practice Mental Clarity. Do one thing at a time and focus only on that. In yoga this is called Dharana, concentration. Close out tabs on your computer. Close Facebook. This will make you more efficient and less stressed.
Create Boundaries. Block out time when you are not working. This might be the afternoons you spend with your kids, or the evenings after 8PM, or whatever works for your schedule. Don’t be available all the time and own it! Unless you are a brain surgeon, it can probably wait.
Allow for Imperfection. As women we are particularly susceptible to the cultural pressures of “perfect.” We will make mistakes a friend, as a parent, and in our work. It is inevitable, and it’s okay. Practicing mental clarity will help. Do what you can and then let it go.
Say “no” to more. We tend to expect too much of ourselves. Be realistic about what you can do, and give yourself permission to say, “no.” Many women tend to be people-pleasers and put pressure on ourselves to do too much. Allow time for rest and relaxation without guilt.
Remember that our habits don’t transform overnight! Perhaps you may want to pick one change to focus on over the next few months.
If you need a change, put your energy and attention into making it happen. Be grateful for and proud of the small wins. I know that soon you will be moving in the direction you want.
Now it’s your turn.
In the comments below, tell us the specific places you struggle with the fuzzy boundary between work and home life and how you deal with it.
Thank you so much for reading! It gives me so much joy to share with you. Please make sure you are signed up for my newsletter so that we can stay in touch.
Be well,