We’re heading into the holiday season after a tumultuous year. Many of us are feeling unsettled by many factors: the election, the climate crisis, and looming worries for our children.
And now, as we head into the holidays, I want to invite the idea that rather than a demanding frenzy that only adds to our stress…perhaps this holiday season could be a time of connection and healing.
Sounds too good to be true? Maybe.
But it’s also possible that we can set an intention to slow down, rather than speed up—to focus on giving, to focus on presence.
Here are 7 ways to invite some mindfulness into your holiday season:
1. Decide what’s important to you and your family
Having kids really helped us to begin to reevaluate how we do holidays. What traditions do you really enjoy and want to implement? Do you travel or stay home? Do you limit gifts? Do you eat the same thing each year? Do you always make a gingerbread house?
Meet with your significant other and kids to decide what the most important things to include in the holidays are for your family. This can be so hard because it can mean letting go of some things and possibly disappointing others. But, it also means leaning into things that are important and meaningful to you, which in turn brings freedom and joy.
2. Keep it simple. Be okay with not doing it all and not doing it all perfectly
Pick one craft for Thanksgiving or Christmas (not five) if it doesn’t give you life. Only make two types of cookies or treats instead of six. Pick a few of the really important things/traditions and do those. Less can be more. And for the recovering perfectionist, let go of the unrealistic expectations of perfectionism and embrace the mess and the craft that just came out “okay”.
Keeping it simple with gifts can be a challenge! For many years, we’ve structuring our giving for our kids around the Four Gift Rule:
1. Something they want
2. Something they need
3. Something to wear
4. Something to read
3. Say No
There are always more parties, more requests, more events to attend to than we actually have time for. It’s okay to say no. When we say no to something, we also say yes to something else, like perhaps more quality time with the people we love.
Say no to materialism. More gifts do not mean more happiness. Our kids actually want more of us, not the “things” that come from us.
If you have a new baby:
It is not your job to ‘show off’ your baby and entertain the masses. Your baby is not on Holiday Parade.
It is not a good idea to jeopardize your family’s rhythm, rest, and sanity for the desires of others.
You have the automatic excuse to leave any party early or decline an invitation altogether: you are overwhelmed new parents. Your extended family may or may not empathize, but it is true nonetheless.
4. Say Yes
Say yes, to snuggles, to playing a game, to reading a book on the couch or under the Christmas tree. Say yes to that hot chocolate when you want to say no. Say yes to being present.
5. Take Care of You
When you care for yourself you are caring for those you love as well. Set aside the oh so familiar mommy guilt and do something life-giving to you. Go on a date with your significant other. Go to coffee with a friend. Sit and read a book. Go get a massage. Go for a walk in the beautiful place that we live. Go work out. Giving the gift of a well-taken-care-of you is a good thing.
6. Remember those in need
It can seem so crazy to think about serving others when we can barely take a shower, get food on the table, manage the carpool schedule or keep our toddler safe each day. But oftentimes serving someone else in need can bring unexpected life and joy and helps to lift our eyes to the bigger story of life.
Take someone a meal, bake cookies with your kids and take them to a friend, drop off a bag of food at the food bank, donate a toy to a child in need. There are so many simple, yet very practical things we can do to make our world better, one small act of kindness at a time.
I give my girls $ to donate every year, and they get to research and think about where they want that donation to go. I love how this helps them consider giving and others in need at this time of year.
7. Begin or end your day with quiet
So much easier said than done, I know. Many kids jump out of bed every day by 6 a.m. And by 8 p.m. I’m totally wiped out on an average day, let alone during the holidays. But give it a try.
For even just five minutes try some of these things: Sit silently. Read a scripture, poem, or something inspiring and think on it. Pray. Light a candle. Listen to soft music. Go for a walk. Lie down and think about the things that you’re thankful for. Take 10 deep breaths. Meditate! You can find my free guided meditations on mindfulmamamentor.com/resources and on the Insight Timer app.
Quieting our hearts and minds in a noisy world is hard to do, but so needed and worthwhile. With all that we’ve been through this year, we need it. It’s the greatest gift in the world to give our kids a well-resourced, grounded, at-ease parent who can listen and really be present with them.
Remember that you can’t do this perfectly—no one can. However, we can continuously aim for the goals of peace and connection in our families as our North star.
For more resources, click HERE to learn about the Mindful Parenting Course or click HERE to learn about the Raising Good Humans Books!