Laura Vanderkam is the author of several time management books including Tranquility by Tuesday. She co-hosts the Best of Both Worlds podcast.
491: Find More Time In Your Day
Laura Vanderkam
Would you like to have more time in your day? Who wouldn’t?! Time management expert Laura Vanderkam talks about how to fit mindfulness into your busy schedule with kids, what is wasting your time, and how to fit your priorities into your weeks.
Find More Time In Your Day - Laura Vanderkam [491]
Read the Transcript 🡮
*This is an auto-generated transcript*
[00:00:00] Laura Vanderkam: I think I've always been interested in productivity and trying to do things more efficiently, but certainly when I did become a parent 16 years ago, you start to view your time slightly differently. You're often just more accountable for it than you might have been in the past.
[00:00:23] Hunter: You're listening to the Mindful Parenting Podcast, episode number 491. Today, we're talking about how to find more time in your day with Laura Vanderkam.
Welcome to the Mindful Parenting podcast. Here it's about becoming a less irritable, more joyful parent. At Mindful Parenting, we know that you cannot give what you do not have, and when you have calm and peace within, then you can give it to your children. I'm your host, Hunter Clark Fields. I help smart, thoughtful parents stay calm so they can have strong, connected relationships with their children.
I've been practicing mindfulness for over 25 years, I'm the creator of the Mindful Parenting course, and I'm the author of the international bestseller Raising Good Humans and now Raising Good Humans Every Day, 50 Simple Ways to Press Pause, Stay Present, and Connect with Your Kids. Welcome back to the Mindful Parenting Podcast.
Hey, so glad you're here. Take If you get something out of listening to this episode or any of the episodes in the past, please do me a favor and tell one friend about it. It helps us get this podcast on the air every week as you sharing makes all the difference in the world. So just tell a friend. That would be great.
In just a moment, I'm going to be sitting down with Laura Vanderkam, author of several time management books, including Tranquility by Tuesday. And she co hosts the Best of Both Worlds podcast. We're going to talk about finding more time in our day, right? wouldn't you like to find more time in your day?
I would. Time management expert Laura Vanderkam talks to us about how to fit mindfulness into your busy schedule with kids, what is wasting your time, and how to fit your priorities into your weeks. Thanks. You are going to find this the most useful episode, I promise. So let's not waste any time, people.
Dive right in. Join me at the table as I talk to Laura van der Kam.
Laura, thank you so much for coming on the Mindful Parenting podcast. I'm so glad you're here. We're going to be talking about time management and how to fit all the things into our day that we fit in. And of course, I just found out you have five kids. people. Laura fits in things and has five kids, so we're gonna get into that, but I just, as a way of starting, I like to ask my guests about, what you're, you growing up was like and what your childhood is like.
Are there things you, what you're bringing forward or things you're leaving behind from the, that?
[00:03:05] Laura Vanderkam: I grew up in, two different places. I was born in North Carolina and then my family moved when I was about 12. to Indiana. And I guess one thing I will not be bringing from my childhood is making anyone move at age 12, if I can at all avoid it, a rough time for it.
but yeah, I was one of, one of three kids. We had a pretty big age spread though. My older brother is about six years older than I am. My younger brother is six years younger than I am. So it's also been a different household to have kids who are much closer in age together. that's a different thing as well.
[00:03:42] Hunter: I bet your kids fight way more than you and your brothers did. It's true. It's true. They do. yes. their needs, conflict much more, I'm sure. and how did you get into writing about and speaking about and talking about time management?
[00:04:03] Laura Vanderkam: I think I've always been interested in productivity and trying to do things more efficiently.
but certainly when I did become a parent 16 years ago, you start to view your time slightly differently. you're often just more accountable for it than you might have been in the past. if you are behind at work and you're trying to get caught up, you have to pick up a kid at daycare at a certain time, it's just, you don't have that same focus.
that you might have, or, people get caught up on their sleep on weekends, but once you have a baby, that's a lot harder to do. And, just all these things, that make you view time a little bit differently. and, so I was trying to make sure like that I could still find. Places for all the things that I did wish to do in my schedule.
And so I began studying other people who were attempting to do so and began writing about their schedules and what I was learning. And that turned into a career writing about time management.
[00:05:05] Hunter: All right. I love a good obsession turned into a career. that's always exciting when you can. follow your passion that way.
So I'm going to ask you my most pertinent question first, because I think it's so important. So one of the things that I get asked all the time in the Mindful Parenting membership and things like that is how, can busy parents find and make time to have a regular meditation practice? And so I have my answers for that.
And I'm just, I'm trying to help people find, like 5 or 10 minutes in a life with children as young as 4 or even younger that where they can have a set of moments to sit and breathe and stop in their day. And I'm wondering how you would advise people to make time for that.
[00:05:58] Laura Vanderkam: Yeah, the first thing I'd say is I tend to operate from a perspective that Most people do have some discretionary time in their lives.
so it is not that you cannot find time to meditate. It may be that you do not wish to meditate, but that is an entirely different matter. so if your goal is simply finding five to ten minutes a day, you're, you can absolutely do that. For many people, it might be first thing in the morning. I certainly know a number of people who, as part of their morning routines, will do five minutes of meditation.
it might be during a break at work. it might be, that there's a, you go park in the parking lot at work five minutes early and sit there in your car and do it. it could be that you sit in your car after leaving work and do it for five minutes. It could be You know, at night after your kids go to bed, it could be that you are, co parenting and you trade off with someone and you both get some time to do whatever it is you want to do on each given day and you do it during that time or anything like that.
I, it's just there, there's generally time somewhere if it's a priority for you you're at home with A toddler? you can put the toddler down for the nap and that's the first thing you do as opposed to leaving it till the end and then maybe the toddler will be up and you won't get to it.
So that's, what you need to do.
[00:07:22] Hunter: I completely agree with you on that, and I have advised people on the sit in the car for five minutes before or after, and we have people who do that. shout out to you, Boris, in Slovenia. awesome. So what are some of, beyond just that very specific question of meditation, so many parents we feel like we don't have enough time.
Parents are under resourced. We don't have enough time to, we feel like we don't have enough time. I really want people to be able to have ease and rest in their lives and not feel like they have to go every second of their day. So what are some of your best time management tips for busy parents?
[00:08:01] Laura Vanderkam: the first thing I would suggest anyone do, if they are feeling busy and overwhelmed is to actually try tracking your time. Because often the stories we tell ourselves about our time are based more on impressions and on particular moments that were stressful rather than a holistic view of all 168 hours in a week.
track your time for 168 hours, that is one week. See where the time really goes. I, a lot of people who do this right away feel like, wow, there is space. Like I wasn't really thinking about it, but there is space. And when I see it, then I have a different story about my life. Now, maybe it's not, seven days in a row at the spa.
It probably isn't. But, there is probably at least. an hour's worth of time on every day that you could do something that you wish to if you wanted, right? and so if we're not looking for gobs of time, if we're just looking for, 60 minutes over the course of a day, maybe in little bits here and there, but 60 minutes over the course of the day, then that's a different matter.
Then it's a matter of seeing where that time might be and appreciating it, right? That, I've got a restful 15 minutes here before I need to do anything. Why don't I Pause and enjoy it and see this space in my life. Instead of when we tell ourselves this story, that we have no time, we're rushed, we're hurried, we are overwhelmed, you won't notice that 15 minutes or you'll, spend it, checking your inbox again for unknown reasons, right?
knowing that the time is there often in and of itself can change your story.
[00:09:51] Hunter: Stay tuned for more Mindful Mama podcast right after this break.
Yeah, I tried to, I've tried to tell myself the story. That there's more than enough time for everything important. This is like my time, my personal time mantra. Is there more than enough time for everything important? And when I tell myself that story, it starts to become more true. I noticed that when I'm not telling myself I don't have enough time, when I'm telling myself I have the time for the things that are important, then actually it also clarifies what's actually important to me as well.
[00:10:29] Laura Vanderkam: Yeah, absolutely. And getting clear on what you want to be doing with your time is another top time management. many people assume that they have no time, so they don't bother asking themselves what they would like to do with their time. you're so busy, why would you bother? But if you know what you would like to spend your time on, make a long list of anything you want to spend more time doing in your life, then you can start to think about, if this is something I'd like to do, could I spend 30 minutes on it this week?
Whatever it is. maybe it's, catching up with a friend on the phone. Could I find 30 minutes where I think that could happen this week? I'm guessing for most people, you probably could. And then when you've got 30 minutes, you're not like checking the inbox again or just watching it disappear because you haven't thought about it.
You're like, Oh, let me call Betsy and see what happens. and, next thing you know, you're chatting with Betsy and life is better. And, you feel better about your time overall.
[00:11:27] Hunter: Yeah, I, I was, I journaled the other night and I was like, Oh yeah, I remember journaling. This feels really good.
I feel so good about doing this. And then the next night I had 15 minutes because I was waiting for someone to do something. I was like, Oh, I'll just. Journal for these 15 minutes, and not that I had anything particular, and it felt so much better, and I, it was really great, to that, to your point, okay, this is a thing that I can fit into these small moments of time that is actually feeding me, is helping me be steadier and calmer and just feel more ease and all that.
What are some of the big time you're, you talked about, checking the inbox one more time. What are the ways that we're wasting time that you see people, what, the way? Parents are wasting time.
[00:12:12] Laura Vanderkam: I think overall, the biggest time waster is a lack of intentionality. And yeah, people will say, is it your inbox?
Is it social media? Is it chores? Is it errands? Is it whatever? all those things. Sure. Yeah. people can waste times on all kinds of things, but not knowing what you want to be doing with your time is what Make big chunks of it past without choosing to do something that you could if you'd put a little bit more time into it.
And sometimes people will see I had my little kids down by 8 30 at night and I went to bed at 10 30. What did I do with those two hours? you may have like puttered around the house, Lay on the couch for a little bit, saw something that was a mess, so you half cleaned it up, and then started flipping through our magazine because it was there, but then you got distracted and went and did something else.
And, it's two hours. what if you mapped that out and said Oh, here are things I would like to do in that two hour block of time. I'm first going to, work on this craft project for 30 minutes. And then I am going to, do a 15 minute pickup. That's it.
Cause if it doesn't happen in the 15 minutes, it wasn't important. And then my spouse and I are going to sit and chat with each other for 20 minutes. And then I'm going to get ready for bed and then I'm going to read for 30 minutes and then the evening is done. But you got to do so much more cool stuff because you thought about it.
Versus. Not thinking about it whatsoever. Or, families can spend half a Saturday figuring out, what are we going to do? I don't know. What are we going to do? And then nobody knows anything and nobody has the energy to plan it and do it. So it's you just Sit around doing whatever and that could be fine if that's what you want to do, but you know Maybe it was the nice day and it would have been fun to get out and go, you know Walk in that park that's an hour away.
You could have done that if you thought about it in the morning But you're not gonna do it once it's two o'clock in the afternoon it's that's the lack of intentionality is what makes it Time that could be discretionary and fun passed in ways that just aren't as enjoyable.
[00:14:23] Hunter: What do you think about the phone and social media and the way the phone, is affecting our use of time now?
[00:14:33] Laura Vanderkam: I think what's most interesting is when people don't use their phone for some reason or another, I don't know, it's broken or you're in a bad internet spot or whatever, how slowly time seems to go. people are like, I had no idea I had that much time in my day when it's not easily there. and so I think that's just important to keep in mind.
a phone is like anything else. it's a tool. It can be used well, can be used for good things. It can be used. I think social media can be a fun part of your life if used responsibly. It can also take time that you could have done other things and then, maybe that's a problem.
I always suggest people attempt, when we pick up our phone for leisure purposes, which could include Headline scrolling, social media, a lot of inbox checks that didn't actually have to happen are in fact discretionary time that you're just doing it for unknown reasons. Challenge yourself to do something else for a few minutes first, right?
We choose, if we choose some sort of more effortful fun rather than the effortless fun of screens for, I don't know, five minutes. Then you can get back on your screens and do whatever you want, but you will have gotten to do both kinds of fun. Whereas if you just pick up your screen as the default option, then you probably won't have as much other fun in your life as you might.
[00:16:00] Hunter: Yeah, and of course, we have like the storytelling mind. And we have the experiential mind. And the experiential mind is like, yeah, this feels good to just sit here and scroll. But yet the storytelling mind, when you're looking back over your day says, oh, I spent an hour strolling. This is not the story I want to tell about my life.
So it's almost like balancing the two, some parts of ourselves and the desires of these different parts of ourselves. you mentioned the inbox a couple times. I learned from someone a long time ago, I think I was listening to Tim Ferriss and his four day week, work week, like years ago. And I was like, Oh, I'll only check the inbox like three times a day.
This is brilliant. I don't only check my inbox three times a day, I, but I do aspire to that and I do have some boundaries on when I will check it. as far as I won't check it after 5:00 PM and I, won't check it before, I dunno, 8:00 AM or something like that. So do you recommend that people have some boundaries over email, specifically inboxes?
[00:17:14] Laura Vanderkam: I think like anything, it is a tool. And you have to find ways that work for you. I'm never a big fan of really strict rules cause there's always things that just come up. one, one issue for me with that is that my kid's middle school has really horrible cell reception. So if they are trying to reach me, they will in fact, email me.
And so it's if it's around a pickup time, it would be a good idea to check my email, right? yeah, things like that. but I think that what you want to make sure is that you are not letting email run your life, right? So if there are things you would like to do where it would be better off for you to control the inputs, then you might want to just build in some time where you are not in your inbox.
So rather than being like, yeah, I'm going to check it three times a day and then, miss something or feel bad or whatever, and just why not say, okay, I want to work on this project from 10 to 1130 and I'm not going to be on my inbox during that time. And then maybe you are at other points, but then you had that time that you were working on something.
so And if it's also a source of stress for you, right? if You get a lot of stressful work emails and you're finding that checking it at night is keeping you from sleeping, then maybe you can put some sort of boundary on it. again, it, maybe it's somebody can't stop at 5 p. m. and not look at it till 8 a.
m. the next morning, but you could say, I'm only going to look at it between 7 30 and 8 and then it goes away, right? Yeah. So just, Finding a way that you can be responsive and use it in the way that you need to without it being a negative word.
[00:18:57] Hunter: Yeah, I appreciate your, middle path, perspective on this.
You are you have a full life, I'm sure. You have five kids, ages 4 to 16. What does your morning routine look like?
[00:19:15] Laura Vanderkam: I am not really a morning person. I have written a lot about morning people in my life and about people's amazing and wonderful morning routines. I do not really currently have one because my morning routine is more or less focused on getting everyone out the door.
The five kids are in four different schools. It's just a long morning, no matter what I do. we, I wake, I set my alarm for 6 30 in the morning, because that's when we need to make sure that the first kid is up and, I go check that he's up. Jump in the shower, then, make sure that he's gotten breakfast.
My husband usually drives him to school. High school starts early this year. It won't next year. They're switching to a more teen friendly schedule.
[00:20:01] Hunter: How do you refer to that high school? My daughter's school is still at an obscenely early time.
[00:20:08] Laura Vanderkam: Yeah. So they leave at seven. I'm making sure the middle schoolers are up, the middle schoolers get their breakfast.
they, I, make sure they get down to the bus stop. at that point, maybe I make myself breakfast, and I have a few minutes to read or whatever, but then the little kids could wake up at any point in there. our nanny starts work at eight o'clock most mornings, so then I consider that kind of between eight and eight fifteen is what I'm aiming to be in my office, in my home office.
And then I do some of the stuff that might be part of the morning routine. I listen to, I'm, this year I'm listening to all the works of Bach, so I listen to whatever my assigned Bach is for the day. I write Two lines in a sonnet because I'm writing a sonnet every week. So I need to write two lines every day and, do other things like my timelog, I might blog, but do those sort of morning things then, and then get into kind of deeper focused work, usually around 8.
45 or 9 and aim to do that for the rest of the morning.
[00:21:09] Hunter: All right. I appreciate that sort of real life example of a morning routine. do you have any recommendations for things that we can do every day to help with
[00:21:24] Laura Vanderkam: time? being aware of it, so I'm a big fan of time tracking. I've tracked my time for nine straight years now.
Wow. It, I know it sounds ridiculous, but it only takes me three minutes a day. It's like brushing my teeth. So it's really just not that complicated. And I have a really good sense of where my time goes as a result. so I think that helps for a lot of people. I think thinking through your, your life in terms of a week, right?
I, what we, you said, what can we do every day? And I get that. That's a good thing to think about. But I often encourage people to think of their lives in terms of weeks. Because we aren't going to do many things every single day, but they can still be a part of our lives. most people consider their work to be part of their lives, but they tend not to go to work seven days a week.
they do it five days a week. There's two days at least that they're not doing it. and so if we have that kind of mindset, it's maybe you didn't exercise every day this week, but if you exercised four days over the course of seven days, that seems pretty good. Maybe, you'd like to have family dinner, but it's not going to happen every night because of various schedules and things like that, but did you have family meals three times over the course of the week?
yeah. then it seems like probably that's a pretty regular part of your life, even if it didn't happen every day. I think thinking of your life in terms of a week, planning out your weeks before you're in them, thinking about, what's most important to me and what do I want to see happen over the next week, both professionally and personally, and figuring out where those things can go.
And I think, one thing you talked about earlier of having people wanting ease and margin and things like that, building in more open space into your life. It's almost universally a good idea because we tend not to know at the start of any given day or any given week everything that we're going to need or want to have done by the end of it.
And so if every minute is already spoken for, when stuff comes up, as stuff inevitably does, it's going to bump something, right? And so the question is then, what does it bump? Is it something that would have been a really good idea for you to do? people often, don't sleep as much or don't exercise because the week got stressful.
I was like, it was anticipatable that something would happen. So maybe we need to build in a little bit more buffer so that when the emergency does happen, there's still extra space for things to go. And we don't have to keep pushing things forward that we can make it all fit in this week because, next week is going to have crises of its own.
[00:23:56] Hunter: Yeah, building and buffered. I know I, I've tried to do that. By, by blocking off my Fridays from no one being able to schedule any meetings with me in general. Inevitably, I schedule some meetings on Fridays, but then it's because I have this buffer of time where I, it's mostly blocked off and, but I do have some space if I need it.
And then I also have a day where I can do work without feeling, sometimes, I have a conversation with you for the podcast, and then I'll have another one, right after that. And they're going to be very, full days. that's time blocking. Is that something you advise people to do?
Like, how do you balance that? The idea of blocking and, simplifying.
[00:24:47] Laura Vanderkam: I think different people mean different things by all of this. I, definitely think it's a good idea to give time a task. So to look at your day and say. Okay, I, I'm going to work on this big project from 9 to 11, and then I'm going to respond to these things that are important from 11 to noon.
I'm going to take a break. I'm going to do some of these smaller tasks in the afternoon. I've got a meeting at 1. you build your day like that, right? think about this is what I'm going to do, these tasks that I need to do for the next day. But I do love your idea of leaving Fridays mostly open.
I think people can, do well with this, of having Monday for this, Tuesday for this, Wednesday for this, as much as possible. Or, even if you split the days, but leaving some available open space. I also like to leave Fridays open. and then I can do stuff on Fridays. if I, somebody wants to meet, I've got time that week.
I can make it happen. if something comes up that I want to do, I've got time that week. I can make it happen. I know a lot of people can't necessarily do that, in, in different schedules, but maybe it's something else. Maybe you can leave two hours open on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon. Or, Wednesday afternoon is generally open.
And it won't stay open. Like you're probably not going to get to go to the spa. maybe it'd be great when, your biggest client has a huge emergency on Monday morning and you have to deal with it on Monday morning, everything that you were scheduled to do Monday morning can now go to Wednesday afternoon.
And so you still have a time for it and you're not behind.
[00:26:28] Hunter: Stay tuned for more Mindful Mama podcast right after this break.
Do you advise people to Multitask. What do you, how do you feel about that? The idea of people trying to do two things at once. generally we know the brain is like switching, but are there places where people can do that and maybe it's actually good? I'm trying to be open minded about multitasking.
[00:26:55] Laura Vanderkam: Yeah, I think it's what, whatever people mean by it. podcast while you're on the exercise bike. that's doing two things at once, but it's great. it's. If you have lunch with a friend, you are in fact both eating and socializing. so that's multitasking. Sounds, sounds fun to me. so I, all of this is perfectly fine.
it's when you're trying to do two things that are very using similar parts of the brain that I think you have a problem. and usually what this is that people have agreed to stuff that they're not truly invested in. So you're on a zoom meeting and you're checking email at the same time.
It's If you can check email, then your presence probably wasn't really needed in that meeting and you shouldn't have been in it, right? you should have done your best to either be in it for a smaller amount of time where you were actively contributing or there should have been fewer people in the meeting so you could have had a more focused agenda so that, people aren't sitting around wasting their time,
[00:27:59] Hunter: Are there places you see that parents could be saying no more often as far as like creating boundaries around their time, as far as being, I'm thinking about you just said being in meetings you shouldn't be in.
[00:28:14] Laura Vanderkam: do you mean creating boundaries around your time at work so you have more time for home or you mean boundaries with your family members because that's something you should do as Well there's
[00:28:21] Hunter: also then things like you have five children in four different schools. I imagine those schools are asking you to do things for them, your children in those schools. All the time as far as can you bring this to the class or can you volunteer for this thing? And there's all those kinds of things like that are, there's kind of these demands on parents administratively that are, it can get a little crazy.
Doctors, with all the things we have to do, to manage.
[00:28:50] Laura Vanderkam: Yeah, there is a lot. I try to push a lot of these small tasks that are not, immediately urgent to a certain window of time so that they are not always an option. I will have a punch list that I go through in a low energy time and try to get through.
a dozen things at the same time, which, could be buying a kid's yearbook, filling out a permission slip, emailing about a future appointment, whatever, things like that. So it's not always an option. And I find that keeps it fairly limited. still have to think about it to some degree, but it's not been too terrible.
I think as with anything, boundaries generally are a good thing. You just, want to make sure that any hard rules are truly serving you. I just, I don't know. I hear people say things like, I'm only with my kids, and no one else from three to six every day. I was like, what if something really awesome comes up that, would be great to do on one day?
this just seems silly to create a rule. Like, how about it? I attempt to spend time with my kids whenever I can, and because we're living together, we're spending a lot of time together. I don't need to create these sort of artificial boundaries, just because, I don't know, rules are satisfying.
[00:30:15] Hunter: I, I think people like to go to extremes. it feels comforting to know that this is the right, I've chosen this right way, and this feels like the right way, and then I always do this thing, and then I can feel like I'm doing something right. Versus the middle path, which I really appreciate that you're advocating, is messy.
It's a messy in the middle. It's very much more human where it's a little more on some days this is a priority, some days this is a priority, and we don't, sometimes we don't know the right answer and sometimes we can choose wrong, and that can be very frustrating. Terrifying, I think, for people.
[00:30:48] Laura Vanderkam: Yeah. I, think, you want to have a good life and I generally like to encourage people and I try to, do fun things in my life and all that too. like the hard rules of people like, each kid needs to be in only one activity or something like, what if a kid is just massively into both, tennis and piano?
Like, why not? what, where does this rule serve anyone that you could only do one thing? I, I guess I don't mind having a few more plates spinning in my life. and I don't mind figuring out what's the right thing at any given point. and more than just, having hard and fast rules.
[00:31:31] Hunter: Okay, so what do you do when you feel overwhelmed by your schedule? How do you deal with that?
[00:31:40] Laura Vanderkam: I try not to get to that point. this is, it's been a work in progress forever. but one of the upsides of writing about time management and thinking about it is that I have put a lot of thought into how I manage my schedule.
And so I sit down on Thursday or Friday every week and I plan the upcoming week. And I look at first what my priorities are and in the different categories, professional, in my relationships, and for myself, what do I want to have happen or need to see happen in all those spheres over the next week? what's already on the calendar that's important that I need to give mental space to, when is that happening?
And, Making sure that if it looks like there's going to be overwhelming things in it, that I then make adjustments, or that I also look over the fact that it's an entire week. So today we're talking Thursday. This is going to be a long Thursday. It started early because, I was the only parent at home and I needed to get, All my, various people out the door in the morning to an early morning jazz band practice.
So little kid had to come along. We wound up going to Donuts afterwards, the drop off, but, it started early. I've been doing stuff all day, I've got to go pick up a kid at practice pretty soon, bring him back, quick, get him fed, get him off somewhere to bring him back for a different thing because he's running sound for his school musical tonight.
Oh, that's what my daughter is doing tonight for Ashton Gissell. Yeah, I'm going to stop by a friend's party to help her set up. I can't go to the party, but I'm going to help her set up beforehand because then I need to go to choir practice. my oldest son actually sings in choir with me. He'll be there, but he's driving separately because I sing in the chamber choir at the end.
he wants to leave earlier. somebody needs to be at the middle school picking up the kid who's running sound, so it's going to be a long day. It's going to be a long day. tomorrow will be a little bit less that's how I, how I try to view it.
[00:33:43] Hunter: You're balancing it out throughout the week.
I really like the idea. And I remember, of course, I told you, I saw you speak years ago at the Pennsylvania Women's Conference, and that idea of breaking up the, and thinking about not the day, but thinking about our time in the chunk of the week, because it does allow more space and more leeway and, and.
all of that. your schedule's making me exhausted and feel great about my schedule today, which I feel actually is like a slightly heavy. so that's great. I hope this has been really helpful for the listener. I think that there, it's very helpful to be reminded that, that we do have more discretionary time, we can just be more intentional about it.
there are, I love that, 160 hours a week in a week, maybe we can then think about what are these things that we would like to be doing in our week, how can we, Do that. How can we create some margin? things like that. Is there anything that we missed that you are, that you need the listener to know about their time as a busy parent?
[00:34:56] Laura Vanderkam: just that I think also you can make time for your own fun. and it doesn't have to be fun that fits around everybody else's stuff. It can be fun that you have claimed the real estate. I mentioned that I sing in a choir. There is nothing flexible about a choir that meets in a certain spot at seven o'clock every Thursday, where I need to be on time, but I like it.
And that's my night, that's my choir night and we make it work around that. And I think a lot of people like, I want more time for myself, maybe I'll try to take more bubble baths or something, your bathtub isn't going anywhere. So if somebody else wants you to do something, you'll wind up doing it.
And then you didn't get your time. So figure out what it is. It's okay to make a commitment to something outside the house, go take a class, be part of an ensemble, it'll be fine. Everyone will figure it out.
[00:35:51] Hunter: I, yes, I couldn't agree with you more on that. Like your needs matter. I, I do, Scottish dancing.
You can, we both live near Philadelphia. Come join me some Friday night, Laura, we'll take, we'll get our Scottish dancing class together. It'll be fun. All right. So Laura, tell, tell the listener where they can find you if they want more help with time management. I know you have some podcasts and books.
[00:36:20] Laura Vanderkam: Yeah, so you can come visit my website, which is lauravandercam. com. It's just my name. And there you can find out about my various books. My most recent one is called Tranquility by Tuesday, about nine rules to help calm the chaos and make time for what matters. And then you might check out my two podcasts.
I have a short one called Before Breakfast, it's a five minute tip every weekday morning. Help take your day from great to awesome. And one that's called Best of Both Worlds, which I co host with my friend, Sarah Hart Unger. We talk about issues of work and family from the perspective of people who really enjoy both.
[00:36:54] Hunter: Awesome. thank you so much, Laura. It's been a pleasure to talk to you. I will let you get back to your busy schedule. I appreciate you taking the time to talk to us on the Mindful Parenting Podcast. Thanks for having me.
I hope you appreciated this episode. Maybe sparked some ideas for how to manage your schedule better. yeah, we all need to just, our time is our most precious resource, I think, for me anyway, it really is, and yeah, we're not guaranteed it. weird fun fact about your podcast host.
As an artist, as somebody who draws and paints realistically, I have a skull collection. And it sounds really morbid. They're fun to draw, but also just like these reminders of death, I think, are actually like really great things to remind us, hey, This could all go away tomorrow. This is it.
This is all we have is this moment right now we, it's possible for any of us. We could all get hit by a bus tomorrow. Sorry to be like, I hope this year you're not taking this in a super morbid way because I think of it as a really positive thing and that we can, just to appreciate the preciousness of this time.
so maybe Laura will help you manage this precious time in this precious day. So anyway, stop spending it with me. Go be with your family. Thank you for listening. I'm so glad you're here. Thank you for supporting the podcast, all those things. Wishing you a beautiful week, my friend.
Namaste.
[00:38:50] Mindful Parenting Member: I'd say definitely do it. It's really helpful. It will change your relationship with your kids for the better. It will help you communicate better and just I'd say communicate better as a person, as a wife, as a spouse. It's been really a positive influence in our lives. So definitely do it. I'd say definitely do it.
It's so worth it. The money really is inconsequential when you get so much benefit from being a better parent to your children and feeling like you're connecting more with them and not feeling like you're yelling all the time or you're like, why isn't things working? I would say definitely do it. It's so, worth it.
It'll change you. No matter what age someone's child is, it's a great opportunity for personal growth and it's great investment when someone's there. I'm very thankful I have this. You can continue in your old habits that aren't working or you can learn some new tools and gain some perspective to shift everything in your parenting.
[00:39:54] Hunter: Are you frustrated by parenting? Do you listen to the experts and try all the tips and strategies but you're just not seeing the results that you want? Or are you lost as to where to start? Does it all seem so overwhelming with too much to learn? Are you yearning for community people who get it, who also don't want to threaten and punish to create cooperation?
Hi, I'm Hunter Clark Fields, and if you answered yes to any of these questions, I want you to seriously consider the Mindful Parenting membership. You will be joining hundreds of members who have discovered the path of mindful parenting and now have confidence and clarity in their parenting. This isn't just another parenting class.
This is an opportunity to really discover your unique, lasting relationship, not only with your children, but with yourself. It will translate into lasting, connected relationships, not only with your children, but your partner too. Let me change your life. Go to mindfulparenting. com. MindfulParentingCourse.
com to add your name to the waitlist so you will be the first to be notified when I open the membership for enrollment. I look forward to seeing you on the inside. MindfulParentingCourse. com
Support the Podcast
- Leave a review on Apple Podcasts: your kind feedback tells Apple Podcasts that this is a show worth sharing.
- Share an episode on social media: be sure to tag me so I can share it (@mindfulmamamentor).
- Join the Membership: Support the show while learning mindful parenting and enjoying live monthly group coaching and ongoing community discussion and support.
